Tritip
by BlackDelo
Summary: Vash and Nicholas open a steakhouse. Rated PG-13 for random drunkeness.
1. Entrepreneurs

Tritip

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun. Yasuhiro Nightow does. He must be a friggin' millionaire.

A/N: This is dedicated to Applebee's and their Steak Stampede Special. Steak-ah da Stampede. Steak-ah da Stampeeeeeeeeede!

Chapter 1: Entrepreneurs

One night Needle Noggin and Preacher Man were sitting around drinking. Y'know, like they always do. Wolfwood was thinking of ideas to get money money for the orphanage.

Nick: I wish I could think of something.

Vash: Huh? [takes a swig] Something for what?

Nick: I wish I had an ongoing source of income for the orphanage. It's a real pain to go out and look for money. Pass the bottle will ya?

Vash: Ongoing source....like some sort og franchise.

Nick: Hey, that's not a bad idea, Needle Noggin!

Vash: What?! I was just joking!

Nick: It's a great idea. We could open a resturant.

Vash: Wolfwood.....I think you've been smoking a lot more than just cigarettes.

Nick: Think about it for a second. We could open a steakhouse.

Vash: I like steak.

Nick: Imagine. You can have your steak cooked by Vash the Stampede.

Vash: People would come for iles!

Nick: We could call it the Stampede Steakhouse.

Vash: Nice name!

Nick: Come to the Stampede Steakhouse and have your steak grilled to perfection by the Humanoid Typhoon himself, Vash the Stampede!

Vash: It's brilliant! If we put our money together we can buy some old place and fix it up.

Nick: Then it's settled. For love...

Vash: ...and for steak!


	2. Fixer Upper

Chapter 2: Fixer Upper

So the Man in Red and the Man of the Cloth went looking for a place to open a resturant. They of course went to the Century 26 Real Estate offices.

Floppy: Hello. My name is Floppy Bojangles. How can I help you two?

Nick: I'm Nicholas D. Wolfwood. And this here is Vash the Stampede....

Floppy: Wait...Vash? The Humanoid Typhoon? THE Vash the Stampede?!

Nick: [sigh] Yes...Vash the Stampede.

Vash: Hallo! [waves]

Floppy: Well, he's a lot more friendly than I imagined. Anyhow...what are you two looking for?

Nick: We're looking to open a resturant.

Vash: Something cheap. A fixer upper, perhaps.

Floppy: I think I just might have something for you.

The thee of them go down the hot dusty streets to the south side of the town. They stop at a ghetto place wih boarded up windows.

Floopy: It is rundown but it's not too old and has a relatively new electrical system.

Nick: Sounds good do far. Let's take a look inside.

The three walk in and scrutinize the place. An old bar is in the middle.

Vash: Hmm...[flips on a switch] Hey, the fans work! we got air in this place! [investigates the bar] Well, whadda we got here.....leftovers. [chugs some Jack Daniels] Love y da steak!

Floppy: He seems to like the place so far.

Nick Good for him. This place has got to impress me too.

Nick investigates the kitchen in the back. He looks around at all the old equipment in the rear. He searches the office, a desk still there.

Floppy: [sweatdrop] Well...do you like it?

Nick: We'll take it, Mr. Bojangles.

Floppy: I'll get the paperwork started right away.


	3. Remodeling Job

Chapter 3: Remodeling Job

The hunk of....err...I mean fixer upper that Vash and wolfwood bought needed some work. so the two of them got some tools, threw on some wife beaters and started repairs.

*BAM! BAM! BAM!*

Vash: [nailing floor boards] You know, I just thought of something.

Nick: Really? You actually had a worthwhile thought?

Vash: Shut up you pompous jerk. I'm serious. Listen, we need to get insurance for this place...

Nick: Ok....

Vash: ....And we'll probably need some help running it. Now who would we turn to for insurance and eye candy?

Nick: Milly and Meryl.

Vash: Boo-yah.

So Wolfwood and Vash decided to have some coffee with the Insurance Girls.

Milly: So, Mr. Priest, why did you and Mr. Vash ask us to come and have coffee with you?

Nick: Well, Vash and I opened a resturant and....

Meryl: You two? You two guys opened a resturant?

Vash: Yeah. It's called the Stampede Steakhouse. I'm going to be Head Cook.

Nick: First thing we need is insurance.

Meryl: [pulls out a typewriter] Now that I can do. Gimmie five good minutes.

Five minutes later.

Meryl: That'll be $$400.

Vash: For What?! Setting the record for fastest policy written?

Meryl: No you broomhead! It's the premium for the first year of your policy.

Vash: Oh...I knew that.

Meryl: Yeah, right. And I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot.

Vash: Really? I always thought you were a Japanese Masseuse.

Meryl: [clocks Vash in the face] Don't be such a jackass, Vash.

Vash: Ow....that hurt.

Milly: Now Meryl, that wasnt called for.

Meryl: He deserved it.

Milly: Well....I guess you're right.

Nick: Ahem....back to the resturant. We also need some workers. A bartender and a waitress. We were wondering if you two wanted to make some money on the side. It wouldn't be too much.

Vash: [gets up off the ground] Yeah....It's more of a favor we're asking.

Meryl: I don't....

Milly: We'd love to work for you! The truth is we actually like hanging around you two.

Meryl: Yeah....what she said.

Vash: Good. We're having the grand opening in one week.

Nick: Don't be late!

Will the gang be able to handle the pressures of running a restaurant? Will Vash accidently burn the whole place down? 


	4. Grand Opening

Chapter 4: Grand Opening

11:00 AM Wolfwood is waiting outside, smoking a cigarette. A little bit anxious for the first day.

Vash: [comes strolling around the corner] Hey Wolfwood!

Nick: Hey Vaash. Ready for the grand opening?

Vash: Of course I am. {Pulls out an apron] See?

Nick: "Kiss the Stampede Cook" Oh yeah, that's fantastical

Vash: I know!

Milly and Meryl soon come bounding down the street.

Milly: Hallo Mr. Vash!  Hallo Mr. Wolfwood!

Vash: I'm glad to see that our employees are happy.

Meryl: We always try to stay optimistic when we take on a job.

The four of them walk through the huge door. The restaurant standing before them.

Nick: Ok…Vash, you go to the kitchen and get the stoves and grills warmed up. Meryl, help him set up in there.

Vash: Yes sir!

Meryl: Got it.

Nick: Milly, I want you to make sure that everything in the bar is ready for serving.

Milly: Glasses down and bottles open!

Nick: I'll go take down all the chairs off the table.

So everybody quickly went to setup their positions. 11:25 came quickly.

Nick: 5 minutes until showtime! Y'all ready?

All: Yes!

Nick: I wonder if anyone is out there, yet? [puts is ear to the door]

Vash: [shouts from the kitchen] Do you hear anybody?

Nick: Quiet, Needle Noggin! I hear muffled conversation and that s about it. [Looks at the clock] 11:30….time to open.

Wolfwood slowly opens the front door. He drops his chin in shock. At least twenty people are standing outside waiting.

Nick: Damn…

Nicholas did what any restaurant manager would do….put on a bullshit smile and welcome everybody in.

Nick: Welcome to the Stampede Steakhouse. You will be the first ones to eat here!

Old lady: Do we get something free?

Nick: No.

Old lady: Shucks…..

Nick: Alright, alright, you get your drinks free.

Crowd: Yah! Woo-hoo!

Nick: If any of you have a gun you have to check it in.

Young guy: Why?

Nick: Cuz I don't want any of you trying to shoot my head cook.

Young guy: Oh….Well that makes sense.

Nick: Enough yakking, everybody…[Nick gets trampled by everybody]…..in. Ow….

What zany trouble will our new restauranters get into? Only time will tell.


	5. La Vida Bifteca

Chapter 5: La Vida Bifteca  
So, our heroes finally opened their steakhouse. They were doing pretty good. Probably due to the fact that Vash was the one grilling everything. People were amazed to see the Humanoid Typhoon grilling meat.  
Vash: [singing to himself] Love y da steak, Love y da steak....mmmmm it's good for you...  
Meryl: Vash! We need two T-Bones, both medium rare!  
Vash: Coming right up, Meryl! [quieter] Man....she looks so cute in that waitress outfit.  
  
Vash, busy watching Meryl, loses his concentration and suddenly smells something burning.  
  
Vash: [sniff] Is something burning? [looks at the grill] O shit! [throws the steaks onto a plate]  
Meryl: Vash?! Are you burning the food?!  
Vash: Uhh....er....no. No, Meryl, I'm not. Um...the food will be ready in just a second.  
Meryl: Fine, whatever....stupid broomhead.  
Vash: Crap, now what am I supposed to do? Hmmm....I know! [grabs a knife] I'll scrape off the burnt stuff!  
  
Vash scrapes away at the steaks trying to get them to look decent. After getting them as good as he can he sets them on a plate and gives them to Meryl.  
  
Vash: Here you go Meryl.  
Meryl: What the hell is this?  
Vash: It's steak.  
Meryl: This isn't steak! This is burnt crap!  
Vash: Just take it will you! Maybe they won't notice.  
Meryl: You're an idiot. [takes the plates]  
Vash: I hope no one complains.  
  
One minute later.....  
  
Meryl: Vash!!  
Vash: Dammit....  
Meryl: Get out here now!  
Vash: [walks out to the main dining area] Yes?  
Customer: Mr. Stampede. I ordered a steak. Now can you please explain to me what this black lump of stuff is on my plate.  
Vash: [breaks a sweat] Umm...well...you see I, I was distracted when I was cooking your steak.  
Customer: Distracted? By what?!  
  
Vash looks nervously back and forth between Meryl and the customer. Not wanting to embarass Meryl, the best he can come up with is...  
  
Vash: A fly. I'm terribly sorry. There was this fly buzzing around and I lost my concentration on the steak becasue I was watching the fly.  
Customer: A fly, huh?  
Vash: Yes.  
Meryl: You are an idiot, Vash!  
Vash: I'm sorry. [pulls out some money] Here you go, sir. Here's your money back.  
Customer: Keep it. You're not a very good liar. [smiles] I'll just drench it in steak sauce. It'll be just fine. Speaking of fine....don't try too hard. You'll make a fool of yourself.  
Vash: Yes, sir.  
  
Vash walks back to the kitchen. Meryl is trailing behind him with a quizzical look on her face.  
  
Meryl: What was that guy talking about?  
Vash: He was nice enough to take the steak and not take my money.  
Meryl: He was cryptically giving you advice.  
Vash: What could some random guy possibly give me advice about?  
Meryl: With you, I never know. Just be more aware of things next time, ok?  
Vash: Yes, Meryl.  
  
Meanwhile, at the bar, Milly was having her own situation with customers. When people drink, they start acting stupid.  
  
Drunk:...so I says "Keep the duck!"  
Milly: Uh...yeah. That was pretty funny story Mr. Drunk.  
Drunk: You're absolutly right that was funny!  
Milly: Sir, could you please be a bit more quiet.  
Drunk: I can be as loud as I want!  
  
A certain Greek Orthodox priest, seeing his main squeeze having some trouble, decides to give her some help.  
  
Nick: Excuse me, miss, I would like a bottle of your cheapest stuff. Preferably a half-empty bottle.  
Milly: Certainly sir. [grabs a bottle] Here you go.  
Nick: Thank you.  
Drunk: Hey guy...can I have some of that.  
Nick: Certainly. **BAM**  
  
A loud shattering is heard throughout the restaurant. The drunk lays discombubled on the floor.  
  
Nick: Now get out before I have to drag you out.  
Drunk: I'm going! I'm going!  
Milly: Wow Mr. Priest! You were awesome!  
Nick: Thank you. I try my best.  
Burnt steak, broken bottles, and dicombubled drunks. So ends the first day at the Stampede Steakhouse. 


	6. Rooftop Rendezvous

Chapter 6: Rooftop Rendezvous

After a hard first day at work, the crew had to clean the place up. Milly is drying glasses while Nick is sweeping floors. After cleaning up the kitchen, Vash goes out to the dining area.

Vash: Hey guys, Where's Meryl?

Nick: Beats me. I haven't seen her. You know where she went, Milly?

Milly: I think she went up to the roof, Mr. Vash.

Vash: The roof, eh?

Nick: I think she's contemplating everything she's gotten herself into.

Vash: This gives me an idea. Milly, Whatcha got in that bar back there?

Meanwhile, up on the roof, Meryl is having thoughts about everything that has transpired since she met Vash.

All I ever wanted to do was climb the proverbial ladder that is Bernardelli Insurance. A simple plan. Then HE came into the picture. Vash the Stampede. It's been an up and down roller coaster ride since day one. He's either doing something stupid or narrowly avoiding death. Which I guess is one in the same.But there is something about him that makes him so amiable. I hate to tell myself this but I think I'm i…

Meryl is cutoff in mid thought by the creaking of a door. She turns around and see Vash standing there.

Vash: How ya doin'?

Meryl: Oh…its you. What do you want?

Vash: I just wanted to say sorry about today.

Meryl: Yeah…whatever.

Vash: C'mon now. Is that anyway to talk to the boss?

Meryl: BOSS?!!

Without warning, a hand comes flying across Vash's face.

Vash: Ow!! Hey I'm sorry. I was just making a little joke.

Meryl: I…I'm sorry, Vash. Force of habit. [gently rubs Vash's cheek] you ok?

Vash: Yeah I'm fine, but do you know what would really make me feel better?

Meryl: What?

Vash: Alcohol!

Vash pulls out a bottle of Alize and two glasses and starts pouring.

Vash: Sit back and relax. You've had a hard first day. [hands her a glass] There you go.

Meryl: Thanks.

Vash: Drink up, its good for you. [sits down next to Meryl] So, tell me. What are you doing here on the roof?

Meryl: I was just thinking…

Vash: About?

Meryl: Just everything. I guess I just never expected my life to turn out like it has.

Vash: Do you like how its turned out?

Meryl: You mean having to be around you all the time?

Vash: Yeah.

Meryl: Yes, Vash. I do like the way its turned out.

Meryl, in a sudden thought of fancy, reached over and kissed Vash. Part of her said she was out of her mind, but the other part knew better. She could lie to herself no longer. She was in love with te Humanoid Typhoon.

Vash: ….!

Meryl: I love you, Vash the Stampede.

Vash: I love you too, Meryl Stryfe. [looks up] It's a lovely night. The stars are like little gleaming candles.

Meryl: Yeah. It is pretty nice out tonight.

The two of them spent the whole night talking on the roof. Lost in conversation until the wee hours of the night.

What will happen next with out star crossed lovers?


	7. Biftec Azucar

Chapter 7: Biftec Azucar

It was another normal day at the Stampede Steakhouse. Well, about as normal as it could possibly be with these people.. Anyhow, Wolfwood decided he wanted to have some fun. It was getting kinda boring lately. He decided Vash could use another situation.

Meryl: Vash! Filet mignon, medium rare with a couple shakes of salt.

Vash: Coming right up, Meryl.

Vash quickly went to the grill to prepare the meal. Little did he know Wolfwood's plan was already in motion.

Vash: Here we go…a dash of salt, wrap a bacon strip around it and a toothpick for good measure. That's a mighty fine if I do say so myself. [singing] Frenchy steak….frenchy steak! Filet mingon is frenchy steak.

Vash, happily unaware of what he's done, sings the frenchy steak song on his way to give the steak to Meryl.

Vash: Here you go, Meryl. One filet mignon with a light dashing of salt.

Meryl: Thank, Vash. Mmmm…this smells pretty good.

Vash: Of course it does. It was cooked by me.

Vash went back to the kitchen to start on his next order. A few minutes later he heard Wolfwood screaming from the main dining area.

Nick: Needle Noggin!!! Get out here, NOW!!

Vash: Aw hell…this can't be good. [hurries to the dining area] Yes, Wolfwood?

Nick: This woman here wants to give the head cook a complaint.

Woman: Could you please taste this steak.

Vash: Why? What's wrong with it?

Woman: Just taste it.

Vash: Ok…

Vash took a bite of the steak. He chewed on it for a second. The he stopped….and spat it halfway across the room.

Vash: Bleahhh!! Good lord, that was awful! What the hell was in that?

Woman: I don't know. You tell me. You cooked it.

Vash: It tasted like….like sugar.

Woman: I said put salt on it not sugar!

Vash: I did put salt on it, though. I remember grabbing the salt shaker and putting salt on it. It was right next to the pepper.

It was at this moment that Wolfwood burst into laughter.

Nick: Hahahaha!!!

Vash: What's so funny, man?

Nick: Haha! You! You are friggin hilarious!

Vash: What are you talking about?

Nick: I switched the salt with sugar!

Vash: Dude, that messed up.

Nick: Yeah, but it was funny, huh?

Vash: What about our customer?

Woman: [holds up $$10] I was paid by Mr. Wolfwood here.

Vash: This was a good one you pulled here Wolfwood. Nice and planned out.

Wolfwood: Yes. It was good if I say so myself.

Vash: I personally like doing spontaneous things.

Vash reaches over to grab a pitcher of water. He holds it over Wolfwood's head and dumps it all over him.

Nick: That was messed up.

Vash: Yeah, but it was funny, huh?

Yet another lively day at the Stampede Steakhouse. Stay tuned my fellow Trigunners. Things are gonna get interesting soon.


	8. Something More

Author's note: I've been meaning to finish this for years. It will finally get finished.

Chapter 8: Something More

Many months have passed since the opening of the restaurant. Something has been brewing in Vash's mind. He's standing outside on a break shooting the breeze with an old man.

Vash: You know what I hate?

Old Man: Getting hunted like an animal?

Vash: Well yeah there is that. But I hate cliches.

Old Man: Oh? And what brought this up?

Vash: I've been wanting to do something special, but I can't help but feel it kind of cliche the way I'm planning it.

Old Man: I assume you want this somethign special is for someone special.

Vash: Yeah.

Old Man: Then what's the problem.

Vash: I was thinking of doing it in a cliche kind of place.

Old Man: There's that word again. You sure do have a lot of hangups. You've got more psych issues than a nuthouse. Is the place special?

Vash: Yeah, very much.

Old Man: Then quit your bitchin. If the whole situation means something to you then just do whatever it is you are planning.

Vash: Yeah?

Old Man: Yeah. We only got a certain amount of time on this dusty rock. We need to make the most of it. I know who you are. I know you got more time than the regualr folk, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go all out with every last second. Your problem is you get hung up on the details. Simplicity is sometimes the greatest brilliance.

Vash: You're right.

Old Man: Of course I am you dense broomhead. I'm old. I know a lot. Life experience and all that. Do what you need to do and don't overthink it. Just do it.

Vash: You sounded like a commercial there for a second. I'll take your advice, good sir. Thanks.

Old Man: You're quite welcome.

What is Vash going to do? Stay tuned for the stunning conclusion. 8 years in the making.


	9. Nervous Anticipation

Chapter 9: Nervous Anticipation

By all accounts this was a normal day. People shuffling through the streets. The suns baking away as usual. Something would be different by the end of this day though.

Meryl: Milly, have you seen Vash? he's been gone quite a while.

Milly: Mr. Vash said he had a personal errand to take care of.

Meryl: [sigh] Fine. But he better get back soon. Lousy Broomhead.

Nicholas doing double in the kitchen overhears the conversation.

Nick: Relax it's not like it's terribly busy today. I'm sure ol' Needle Noggin will be back soon. After all he's the selling point of this place.

Meryl: Well, where could he have gone? In the middle of the day no better have been important.

At that moment Vash walks in. A seemingly cheerful aura about him.

Milly: Hello, Mr. Vash.

Vash: Hello, Milly.

Meryl: You've been gone a while.

Vash: Sorry about that. I had something i had to take care of.

Meryl: Well get back to the kitchen.

Vash: All business aren't we?

Meryl: I take all my assignments seriously.

Vash heads back to the kitchen to relieve Wolfwood of his cooking duties.

Nick: Didja get it?

Vash: Yup

Nick: You sure about this

Vash: Yeah

Nick: I only ask because there will be ramifications. There will be certain issues you will have to deal with a far while down the road. This is a long term thing in and of itself. For you it's a _difficult _long term thing.

Vash: I'm well aware of that. My life has been nothing but one big giant long term descion. I've dealt with things like this before.

Nick: But not _exactly _like this.

Vash: I don't need anymore stress. I'm already a bit nervous about it all.

Nick: If your sure about it, that's all that matters.

The day passes as usual. Night falls on the town. Closing time at the steakhouse. After cleanup Wolfwood sits at the bar. A cigarette clenched between his lips.

Milly: You know, Mr. Wolfwood those things are called coffin nails for a reason.

Nick: Heh, shall I put it out?

Milly: Well I mean, if you want. I know it helps you relax and whatnot. It doesn't really bother...

Nick: [interupts] It's ok. I'll put it out. I really should quit.

Wolfwood couldn't help but think about how nice it is have someone who cares. Someone you want to be with. At that instant Meryl comes in from the back. A quizzical look on her face.

Meryl: Where is Vash? This is the second time he's disappeared today.

Milly: He went up to the roof, Meryl.

Meryl: Why'd he go up there?

Nick: Don't ask me. I'm not supposed to watch over him.

The priest grinned to himself over the irony of his words. Meryl headed up to the roof to find Vash. The red robed gunslinger was standing on the roof staring peacfully at the stars. A certain joy was seemingly racing through his mind. Meryl almost wanted to just leave him be. She knew that these moments of tranquility were so rare for him.

Meryl: Vash?

Vash: Hm? oh hey.

Meryl: What are you doing up here?

Vash: Just star gazing I guess.

Meryl: You are such a spacey dreamer sometimes, you know that?

Vash: [grinning] Yeah I guess so.

Vash turns to to Meryl. Gazing into her lavander eyes.

Vash: You know what makes looking at the stars better?

Meryl: What?

Vash: Having someone there with you.

Meryl: [smiling] Yeah It does make it better.

Vash: Meryl...

Meryl: Yes.

Vash: How would you like to watch the stars with me for the rest of your life?

Meryl: Vash...what are you asking me?

Vash pulls a small gold band out of his duster. He kneels down in front of Meryl.

Vash: Meryl, I know there's a lot of things to work out. I mean, I am over 100 years old. I've got a lot more time left than a normal human being. Not to mention that bounty on my head and probably a whole myriad of...

Meryl: Yes.

Vash: What?

Meryl: Yes Vash. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Vash: Are you sure?

Meryl: You are the most caring, loving individual I have ever met. If only everyone could meet someone like you.

Vash: Outstanding.

Vash slips the ring on Meryl's finger.

Vash: I know it's not much but...

Meryl: It's beautiful.

She looks down at Vash still kneeling on the ground, cupping her hands around his face.

Meryl: I love you, Vash the Stampede.

They embrace in a soft, passionate kiss under the moonlight. As long as they had each other, nothing else mattered. For once in their lives, they had a sense of joy and peace.

Author's note: I finally finished. I finally got past that block I had for 8 years. Sorry for making you wait so long. I'm sure there is undoubtedly a change in writing style between the first 7 chapters and the last 2. Hopefully for the better. I think I ended it well though. I think I finally can unleash some good writing. I think in the future I might abandon the "script" style. But I tend to write better that way what with being a former film major. Not sure. Either way I hope you've enjoyed what I've churned out.


End file.
